It’s a defensive adaptation and a great many of them are good people that do-good things. It’s just that they have a perfect storm of blindness and sensitivity that causes them to need to not feel like a victim at all costs. So, if they do then an eye for an eye means you’re going to end up hurting. The problem is if you didn’t mean to hurt them — they are technically hurting someone that didn’t even know that they had done anything wrong. This is especially true when it comes to any instances that are caused specifically because of hypersensitivity.
They can’t feel powerless like a victim, and they can’t stand it when people (specifically their mate) see them as total garbage. There is a very sad and tragic element to their fate. Yes, their actions are of their own volition, but they believe you did them real wrong when they act. They don’t typically first strike, It’s reactive. It’s just reactive in a way that you may have no idea what they are reacting to because no one else would have reacted like that. That’s what takes people by such surprise.
There are a huge portion of over achievers that donate entire wings to hospitals that are narcissists. They can do some incredibly good things for the community. It doesn’t matter why they do it, it matters that they do it. Besides, who truly does everything in life or anything in life selflessly? Very, very, very, few — so if they need a gala event to open up the hospital wing and they pumped 20 million into it I say have at her — everybody wins.
Relationships in life are all about learning how to communicate with other people in a way that your message gets heard and understood — this includes incentives or motives for communication. Everyone has something different that they need or want in order to be on side. If you find that then anyone can be your ally or friend.
I don’t make excuses for people’s behavior, but I do try to understand the driving forces behind it.